I am a man who makes his living proclaiming the truth of a physical world that is built on reliable laws (i.e., I teach physics and astronomy professionally), YET I am a man who believes firmly in the reality of the immaterial world and even the violation of these faithful physical laws;
I am a man who proclaims to love his wife and his family immensely (I would even claim to give my life for them), YET I am a man that continually chooses a simple route to plain selfishness and me-centered activity.
I am a man who very desperately wants to live life anew, with vivacity and freshness, YET I am a man who chooses too often (it really seems like all the time) the old well-established paths of staleness and deadness and decay.
I could go on and on- e.g., I am a man who loves silence and solitude YET I find myself surrounded by people (whom I love, no less) and words... OK, I said I was going to stop.
A wonderful book that is/has helping me wrestle with these contradictions is Esther de Waal's "Living with Contradictions." I continue to reflect and read multiple times, and it is never unfaithful to deliver a timely word.
Another good quote that is not in the book regarding contradictions-
"Contradictions have always existed in the soul of humans. But it is only when we prefer analysis to silence that they become a constant and insoluble problem." -TM, Thoughts in Solitude
So there it is- I attempt to stop analyzing and wait in the silence, wait in hope, and believe in faith that there is One who loves me more than I do- the One who promises that new life is coming. I pray for awakening.
